I have switched over to Weebly so to find blog post from now on you can find them at the link below.
http://worthyofchange413.weebly.com/blog
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Thursday, February 25, 2016
The Long Fight
There is always space in between my post and mostly because I am still in school and don't have a lot of spare time to sit down and write. However I am finished with school in May and my hope is that I will have more time to blog. But I want to share a little bit about what has been going on.
I have been on this journey since 2010 and it has been made of a lot of fighting.
I started off just doing weight watchers, noticed that I was seeing changes while I was doing this and felt motivated to continue to do it. I then started counting calories so I wouldn't have to continue to pay for weight watchers and continued to see changes which motivated me to keep going. Before I knew it I was at 100lbs lost and it was unbelievable.
I had started working through a lot of my pain and past that was making me live the life that I had been and was starting to live a new life.
A healthier life.
Then something happened.
I would be at 120lbs lost and then back down to 100lbs lost. Just going back and forth.
For the last year and a half I have had many ups and downs. I go from fighting against my old eating habits to just giving into those old eating habits. Which has made me lose and gain the last 20lbs over and over again.
I have spent many months feeling like I am just stuck, like I can feel the fight in me but then feeling even a stronger feeling of old ways come over that.
I wish that I could sit here and tell you that I feel like something has changed in me from having the feeling of being stuck but there hasn't.
Nothing has changed yet.
I am still struggling with that feeling. But there are a couple things I do know.
One.
God has not brought me this far for me to just stop where I am. I will go all the way to my goal even if I spend the rest of my life getting there.
Two.
There is never a time when you can lift something up in prayer too much.
Three.
God gives us a way out of the temptations every time they are placed in front of us. We have to decide if we are going to fight against it or give in.
Four.
There is something food wise that has helped me a lot in the last couple of months and that is Shakeology. Even though I have seen losing and gaining for a long time now, I think that Shakeology has helped me not completely give up and gain everything back. (I would love to give anyone more information about it just email me: worthyofchangefitness@gmail.com)
I will continue to fight no matter how long it takes me.
I will continue to lift this up in prayer.
I always want to be raw with you.
I don't want you to think that just because I have come far and am going into the fitness industry for a living that it is not still a struggle for me.
It will be a struggle for me for the rest of my life.
I will however learn a way to fight against it.
In Him,
Delaney
I have been on this journey since 2010 and it has been made of a lot of fighting.
I started off just doing weight watchers, noticed that I was seeing changes while I was doing this and felt motivated to continue to do it. I then started counting calories so I wouldn't have to continue to pay for weight watchers and continued to see changes which motivated me to keep going. Before I knew it I was at 100lbs lost and it was unbelievable.
I had started working through a lot of my pain and past that was making me live the life that I had been and was starting to live a new life.
A healthier life.
Then something happened.
I would be at 120lbs lost and then back down to 100lbs lost. Just going back and forth.
For the last year and a half I have had many ups and downs. I go from fighting against my old eating habits to just giving into those old eating habits. Which has made me lose and gain the last 20lbs over and over again.
I have spent many months feeling like I am just stuck, like I can feel the fight in me but then feeling even a stronger feeling of old ways come over that.
I wish that I could sit here and tell you that I feel like something has changed in me from having the feeling of being stuck but there hasn't.
Nothing has changed yet.
I am still struggling with that feeling. But there are a couple things I do know.
One.
God has not brought me this far for me to just stop where I am. I will go all the way to my goal even if I spend the rest of my life getting there.
Two.
There is never a time when you can lift something up in prayer too much.
Three.
God gives us a way out of the temptations every time they are placed in front of us. We have to decide if we are going to fight against it or give in.
Four.
There is something food wise that has helped me a lot in the last couple of months and that is Shakeology. Even though I have seen losing and gaining for a long time now, I think that Shakeology has helped me not completely give up and gain everything back. (I would love to give anyone more information about it just email me: worthyofchangefitness@gmail.com)
I will continue to fight no matter how long it takes me.
I will continue to lift this up in prayer.
I always want to be raw with you.
I don't want you to think that just because I have come far and am going into the fitness industry for a living that it is not still a struggle for me.
It will be a struggle for me for the rest of my life.
I will however learn a way to fight against it.
In Him,
Delaney
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Words cut deep. They leave wounds.
So I am back at it. In the middle of another semester, this one is probably the craziest I have had since I have started school. However God has His hand all over everything that is happening in this life right now. He is doing great things as He always does! He is working in the depths of me to continue to grow me and continue to heal me. He has been laying something on my heart lately that I feel like I need to share. That thing is the power of our words.
Sometimes I don't think that we realize how powerful the words that come out of our mouth towards someone are. But they are so powerful!
I have been on both sides of this as I am sure many of you have, you have been the one saying the words and the one hearing the words. And it doesn't even have to be words that someone is directing towards you, it literally is just as powerful when those words are directed at someone else and you are hearing them. I find it painful to hear someone cutting someone down with their words.
Something that I have always wanted to make sure of is that the name of the people I know is save on my lips. I want people to know that I am not going around talking bad about them behind their backs or know that I will not cut them down.
I think this is seen in all areas of our culture.
We see it in the church walls, we see this within schools, within friend groups, within families. We see it in all places. We are so quick to talk bad about someone and hurt people with our words faster than we are to love them.
I experienced this growing up as those of you that have read my blog post from the past know that I dealt a lot with people making fun of me growing up. Those words cut deep. They left wounds that only Jesus can touch and heal.
But I have also been the one that those hurtful words have left my mouth!
We have to start being so careful with the words that are coming out of our mouths!
Words cut deep.
They leave wounds.
So my challenge for you and for myself is that when I am talking to someone or about someone to another person that I talk about them as if they were Jesus standing in front of me. Just ask yourself before you say those things, would I say that if Jesus were standing here or if I was talking to Jesus?
Really ask yourself that question!
Would I say that if I was talking to Jesus or if He was standing here with me?
We are all made in God's image and we need to start treating each other like just that!
This is just something God has been laying on my heart the last couple of weeks and it is something I felt like He was asking me to share!
Really start to challenge yourself and bring it before God in prayer!
In Him,
Delaney
Sometimes I don't think that we realize how powerful the words that come out of our mouth towards someone are. But they are so powerful!
I have been on both sides of this as I am sure many of you have, you have been the one saying the words and the one hearing the words. And it doesn't even have to be words that someone is directing towards you, it literally is just as powerful when those words are directed at someone else and you are hearing them. I find it painful to hear someone cutting someone down with their words.
Something that I have always wanted to make sure of is that the name of the people I know is save on my lips. I want people to know that I am not going around talking bad about them behind their backs or know that I will not cut them down.
I think this is seen in all areas of our culture.
We see it in the church walls, we see this within schools, within friend groups, within families. We see it in all places. We are so quick to talk bad about someone and hurt people with our words faster than we are to love them.
I experienced this growing up as those of you that have read my blog post from the past know that I dealt a lot with people making fun of me growing up. Those words cut deep. They left wounds that only Jesus can touch and heal.
But I have also been the one that those hurtful words have left my mouth!
We have to start being so careful with the words that are coming out of our mouths!
Words cut deep.
They leave wounds.
So my challenge for you and for myself is that when I am talking to someone or about someone to another person that I talk about them as if they were Jesus standing in front of me. Just ask yourself before you say those things, would I say that if Jesus were standing here or if I was talking to Jesus?
Really ask yourself that question!
Would I say that if I was talking to Jesus or if He was standing here with me?
We are all made in God's image and we need to start treating each other like just that!
This is just something God has been laying on my heart the last couple of weeks and it is something I felt like He was asking me to share!
Really start to challenge yourself and bring it before God in prayer!
In Him,
Delaney
Monday, August 3, 2015
He Called Her Home
For many this last week has been like a normal week. You have gone about the motions. Just keep going through each day like its just a normal day. But for our family this has been different.
About two years ago my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, when we found this out of course it was devastating to her and our family. But you want to think the best in things like this. So the plan was to go in, take the cancer out and talk about treatments afterwards. So that next November they took her into surgery to take the tumor out. My sister and I had traveled on to Honduras that week thinking everything would be okay and grandma didn't want us not to go because of her surgery.
They took her into surgery that day and what they found changed her life. When they went in they found that they couldn't remove the tumor because it was connected to some of the nerves of the spine. Doctor came out to break the new to the family and it was not at all what was excepted. My sister and I still in Honduras, away from the family, would learn the news very soon. I remember this day like it was a week ago, we gathered in a room with some of my moms closest friends to talk on the phone with my parents. Mom came on to tell us, they couldn't get the tumor out because it was connected to the nerves of the spine, but the next words still to this day played over and over in my head.
"The doctor said that the cancer was terminal and at some point the cancer would win."
But everything was suppose to be better, they were suppose to get the cancer out and she would get treatments and move to the next chapter. But this wasn't the card dealt to her, but we would get through the cards that were dealt to her together. For the next two years there were many ups and downs. From having treatments, being in the hospital because of blood clots, the ups and downs in life when dealing with something like this, to many other things that we walked through together.
She had been in a lot of pain because of the tumor pushing on the nerves of the spine so they had her on pain medicine to try and keep her comfortable. About 2 months ago the pain medicine that they had her on just wasn't doing anything for her, she was still experiencing a lot of pain. After talking with a friend about a pain medicine the use specifically for nerve pain they decided to change her medicine. Within 24 hours she went from hardly being able to walk and walking with a walker, to walking around the house by herself. She was a whole new person on this medicine. She was getting out of the house which she had only been doing to go to the doctor.
She was doing so good!
But all of that changed Monday morning. On Monday morning my Grandma had a stroke. This is the last thing that we thought would happen honestly. And has been the hardest thing to watch. Hearing from the doctors and them really feeling like she wouldn't go back to her normal self and as each day went by she got less and less responsive we started calling in family. As we sat in the room together there were many many moments of crying together but there were moments of laughing also.
Many memories were talked about, anything from my sister and I stealing and eating a whole box of pop-tarts from grandma. To the many beach vacations we went on. I can always remember her getting something on her shirt while we were traveling and being so upset because she didn't pack another shirt for the next days she was just going to wear that one. I remember the bag of pretzels she always packed for the car on the way to the beach also. I remember singing hymns in the car on the way to the beach and that being one of her favorite things about riding to the beach with our family.
I remember Christmas mornings she would come over and watch my sister and I open gifts. I remember the Hallmark ornaments that each one of the grandchildren got every year at Christmas.
I remember the lunch times that we had when my cousins from AZ would come home to visit and sometimes even a shopping trip. I remember the many times we spent at grandmas with my cousins from Florida and just the joy it brought to her when all her family was together.
I remember the recent memories of spending Saturdays over at her house, just being able to spend time with her. I remember that she was one of the biggest fans and so proud of me for the weight that I had lost and where I was going in life with my career. She was always asking if I had written a blog because she enjoyed reading it so much. (This one is for you grandma <3)
I remember the fact that she always cut off the top of chip bags and they had to be folded down perfectly. I remember the fact that she had to get all the lotion out of the bottle, so she would cut it in half and then piece it back together making a smaller bottle.
But the most important thing I remember about my Grandma is how much she loved Jesus. The countless hours she put into things at her church, counting the money, volunteering for VBS, going to lunches, singing in the choir at church. The time that she spent in her Bible and listening to different Bible studies, the different Bible studies that she went to. The fact that she read from the Jesus Calling devotional book every morning. The way she loved Jesus showed in everything she did, the way she loved her family and friends. The way that she was so selfless. The way she held onto God as she walked through the difficult journey of cancer.
On Sunday morning she went to big church. God called her home and she was able to start her Sunday morning in the big praise and worship service in heaven. My uncle said it perfectly when he said, " I just wish that she would run to Him. The cancer and her suffering from the stroke will be defeated and she will win." She won Sunday morning! The cancer that would win her body was defeated by God and she is in such a better place now.
We will miss her every day and the empty void we will look to God to fill. Though we are so sad and it is so hard to live here on earth without her each day, one day we will see her again. We love you Grandma! Thank you for the many things that you did for our family, the unconditional love you showed, and the many memories you left us!
About two years ago my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, when we found this out of course it was devastating to her and our family. But you want to think the best in things like this. So the plan was to go in, take the cancer out and talk about treatments afterwards. So that next November they took her into surgery to take the tumor out. My sister and I had traveled on to Honduras that week thinking everything would be okay and grandma didn't want us not to go because of her surgery.
They took her into surgery that day and what they found changed her life. When they went in they found that they couldn't remove the tumor because it was connected to some of the nerves of the spine. Doctor came out to break the new to the family and it was not at all what was excepted. My sister and I still in Honduras, away from the family, would learn the news very soon. I remember this day like it was a week ago, we gathered in a room with some of my moms closest friends to talk on the phone with my parents. Mom came on to tell us, they couldn't get the tumor out because it was connected to the nerves of the spine, but the next words still to this day played over and over in my head.
"The doctor said that the cancer was terminal and at some point the cancer would win."
But everything was suppose to be better, they were suppose to get the cancer out and she would get treatments and move to the next chapter. But this wasn't the card dealt to her, but we would get through the cards that were dealt to her together. For the next two years there were many ups and downs. From having treatments, being in the hospital because of blood clots, the ups and downs in life when dealing with something like this, to many other things that we walked through together.
She had been in a lot of pain because of the tumor pushing on the nerves of the spine so they had her on pain medicine to try and keep her comfortable. About 2 months ago the pain medicine that they had her on just wasn't doing anything for her, she was still experiencing a lot of pain. After talking with a friend about a pain medicine the use specifically for nerve pain they decided to change her medicine. Within 24 hours she went from hardly being able to walk and walking with a walker, to walking around the house by herself. She was a whole new person on this medicine. She was getting out of the house which she had only been doing to go to the doctor.
She was doing so good!
But all of that changed Monday morning. On Monday morning my Grandma had a stroke. This is the last thing that we thought would happen honestly. And has been the hardest thing to watch. Hearing from the doctors and them really feeling like she wouldn't go back to her normal self and as each day went by she got less and less responsive we started calling in family. As we sat in the room together there were many many moments of crying together but there were moments of laughing also.
Many memories were talked about, anything from my sister and I stealing and eating a whole box of pop-tarts from grandma. To the many beach vacations we went on. I can always remember her getting something on her shirt while we were traveling and being so upset because she didn't pack another shirt for the next days she was just going to wear that one. I remember the bag of pretzels she always packed for the car on the way to the beach also. I remember singing hymns in the car on the way to the beach and that being one of her favorite things about riding to the beach with our family.
I remember Christmas mornings she would come over and watch my sister and I open gifts. I remember the Hallmark ornaments that each one of the grandchildren got every year at Christmas.
I remember the lunch times that we had when my cousins from AZ would come home to visit and sometimes even a shopping trip. I remember the many times we spent at grandmas with my cousins from Florida and just the joy it brought to her when all her family was together.
I remember the recent memories of spending Saturdays over at her house, just being able to spend time with her. I remember that she was one of the biggest fans and so proud of me for the weight that I had lost and where I was going in life with my career. She was always asking if I had written a blog because she enjoyed reading it so much. (This one is for you grandma <3)
I remember the fact that she always cut off the top of chip bags and they had to be folded down perfectly. I remember the fact that she had to get all the lotion out of the bottle, so she would cut it in half and then piece it back together making a smaller bottle.
But the most important thing I remember about my Grandma is how much she loved Jesus. The countless hours she put into things at her church, counting the money, volunteering for VBS, going to lunches, singing in the choir at church. The time that she spent in her Bible and listening to different Bible studies, the different Bible studies that she went to. The fact that she read from the Jesus Calling devotional book every morning. The way she loved Jesus showed in everything she did, the way she loved her family and friends. The way that she was so selfless. The way she held onto God as she walked through the difficult journey of cancer.
On Sunday morning she went to big church. God called her home and she was able to start her Sunday morning in the big praise and worship service in heaven. My uncle said it perfectly when he said, " I just wish that she would run to Him. The cancer and her suffering from the stroke will be defeated and she will win." She won Sunday morning! The cancer that would win her body was defeated by God and she is in such a better place now.
We will miss her every day and the empty void we will look to God to fill. Though we are so sad and it is so hard to live here on earth without her each day, one day we will see her again. We love you Grandma! Thank you for the many things that you did for our family, the unconditional love you showed, and the many memories you left us!
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Then He Led Me To Delaware
There has been no doubt in my mind that God has been all over this journey of me losing weight.
He has walked by me everyday as I try to fight against the battle of binge eating.
He has walked by my side as I have continue to become stronger and stronger through working out.
He has began to teach me that I am beautiful inside and out no matter what I look like, which has been one of the hardest things to grab a hold of.
And He has showed me that He wants me to use this journey to help others and bring glory to Him; which led me to getting a degree in Exercise Science.
Through getting my degree I have been given the opportunity to work with some amazing people whom I share the same desire and passion in helping people become healthy and helping them be able to live life to the fullest.
He led me to a gym while in school and built relationships with people that I have been blessed to walk very closely with the last year. Not only through the physical things that we struggle with but also through the spiritual things.
And now He has led me to Delaware to begin my first internship.
I can not wait to see what He is going to do with this opportunity, He has already been working just by getting me here.
There is no doubt that His hand is all over this internship.
He has made me worthy of change, through Him and for Him. If he can use me and make me worthy of change He can use you also. Just step back and allow Him to work.
You are worthy of change.
In Him,
Delaney
He has walked by me everyday as I try to fight against the battle of binge eating.
He has walked by my side as I have continue to become stronger and stronger through working out.
He has began to teach me that I am beautiful inside and out no matter what I look like, which has been one of the hardest things to grab a hold of.
And He has showed me that He wants me to use this journey to help others and bring glory to Him; which led me to getting a degree in Exercise Science.
Through getting my degree I have been given the opportunity to work with some amazing people whom I share the same desire and passion in helping people become healthy and helping them be able to live life to the fullest.
He led me to a gym while in school and built relationships with people that I have been blessed to walk very closely with the last year. Not only through the physical things that we struggle with but also through the spiritual things.
And now He has led me to Delaware to begin my first internship.
I can not wait to see what He is going to do with this opportunity, He has already been working just by getting me here.
There is no doubt that His hand is all over this internship.
He has made me worthy of change, through Him and for Him. If he can use me and make me worthy of change He can use you also. Just step back and allow Him to work.
You are worthy of change.
In Him,
Delaney
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Pushing Through the Pain
Hello blog readers ;) Things have been a little busy since I last wrote but I want to update you on somethings that are going on. I finished my first year at my new school. It was such a life changing experience. I have grown in so many different ways. I met some life long friends while I was there and could have asked for a better group of people to walk the last 10 months with!
I have continued on my weight loss journey and what a journey it has been. I had started CrossFit back in November and I LOVED it! It was intense don't get me wrong but it pushed me past my comfort zone. I had lost about 20 pounds after I started and I was looking better than I ever have. I was walking around with a new found confidence. However in January I took a step back, I started having pain in my knee after a workout, something tightened up and started causing a lot of pain. I don't believe that it was because I was doing CrossFit, I believe it would have happened regardless of what type of workout I was doing.
I figured like any other time it would hurt for a couple of days and I would be back to it and have no problem. But that was not the case, it continued to hurt so I started limiting myself to doing only upper body to see if that would help. That didn't work, I still continued to experience pain in my knee. So after 3 months of the pain not getting any better I decided something had to be done, so I started going to physical therapy. (Never saw this that coming) After a couple weeks of PT they asked my to stop working out in any way so that they could figure out what was going on. At first they said it would only be for a couple of weeks so I had no problem doing that because I wanted to be better. I continued going to PT and it was helping, the pain was going away while I was going to PT. They felt like the problems was a place in my lower back and I needed to strength my core to help support my back.
School ended for the summer and I had to come home for break which meant that I would stop going to PT. They felt like I was at a point where I could get back to working out in a couples weeks and I was excited. So about 2 weeks after I came home I started adding things back in, but as soon as I started that physical activity back up the pain came back.
I still experience pain about 99% of the time and I don't really understand why. I have been experiencing this pain for about 6 months now, I have gained that 20 pounds back from not working out and getting weary about this journey.
I have been super weary. Not understanding why I am in so much pain. I felt like things were going in the right direction with doing CrossFit and looking/feeling better than ever. However in the last couple of weeks I have tried to take on a new way of thinking. I want to continue my journey and I don't want this to stop me. So I will continue eating the best I can and do the physical activities that I can and hopefully as the weight comes off my back will become better.
I share this with you guys to be real. There are some who have went straight through their journey with no problems. Then there are some that have hit road blocks. I have hit many road blocks in this journey. I have learned that when you come to a road block you find a way to climb over it or go around it and keep trucking. Just think of how far you have come and where you are going! Keep gettin it!!
In Him,
Delaney
I have continued on my weight loss journey and what a journey it has been. I had started CrossFit back in November and I LOVED it! It was intense don't get me wrong but it pushed me past my comfort zone. I had lost about 20 pounds after I started and I was looking better than I ever have. I was walking around with a new found confidence. However in January I took a step back, I started having pain in my knee after a workout, something tightened up and started causing a lot of pain. I don't believe that it was because I was doing CrossFit, I believe it would have happened regardless of what type of workout I was doing.
I figured like any other time it would hurt for a couple of days and I would be back to it and have no problem. But that was not the case, it continued to hurt so I started limiting myself to doing only upper body to see if that would help. That didn't work, I still continued to experience pain in my knee. So after 3 months of the pain not getting any better I decided something had to be done, so I started going to physical therapy. (Never saw this that coming) After a couple weeks of PT they asked my to stop working out in any way so that they could figure out what was going on. At first they said it would only be for a couple of weeks so I had no problem doing that because I wanted to be better. I continued going to PT and it was helping, the pain was going away while I was going to PT. They felt like the problems was a place in my lower back and I needed to strength my core to help support my back.
School ended for the summer and I had to come home for break which meant that I would stop going to PT. They felt like I was at a point where I could get back to working out in a couples weeks and I was excited. So about 2 weeks after I came home I started adding things back in, but as soon as I started that physical activity back up the pain came back.
I still experience pain about 99% of the time and I don't really understand why. I have been experiencing this pain for about 6 months now, I have gained that 20 pounds back from not working out and getting weary about this journey.
I have been super weary. Not understanding why I am in so much pain. I felt like things were going in the right direction with doing CrossFit and looking/feeling better than ever. However in the last couple of weeks I have tried to take on a new way of thinking. I want to continue my journey and I don't want this to stop me. So I will continue eating the best I can and do the physical activities that I can and hopefully as the weight comes off my back will become better.
I share this with you guys to be real. There are some who have went straight through their journey with no problems. Then there are some that have hit road blocks. I have hit many road blocks in this journey. I have learned that when you come to a road block you find a way to climb over it or go around it and keep trucking. Just think of how far you have come and where you are going! Keep gettin it!!
In Him,
Delaney
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Much of My Journey!
I wrote this a while back but God is still working in it and I pray that the ways that He is using me continues to bless someone!
_________________________________________________________________________________
I was always the biggest kid in the class.
I was fat and tall, so I was a giant in all areas compared to everyone else.
Growing up, I was always made fun of for being fat. I woke up lots of days nervous to go to school because I knew someone would make fun of me. I still remember getting off the bus one day after school and the junior high guys sitting in the back of the bus (the boys everyone was always scared of) were yelling at me out the window as the bus drove away, making fun of me.
And from that day on, I hated getting on the bus in the mornings for fear of having to sit with someone because I figured no one would want to sit with the “fat girl.”
I simply feared being made fun of by someone.
I was always worried about who the teacher would sit beside me in class or who I was going to sit by at lunch. I HATED gym class because no one ever wanted me on their team and our gym teacher made fun of other kids in our class, so I was positive that he was making fun of me when I wasn’t around.
I wanted to be like every other girl.
I wanted to be in girl scouts, so I tried that. I wanted to cheer, so I tried that. I wanted to play basketball, so I thought about that. I wanted to be like all the other kids.
I felt like I was forgotten a lot of the time. Or people just included me because they felt bad for me. Heck, I still feel that way a lot as I am sure many others do.
In 6th grade, my parents decided it was time to go to the doctor to see what was happening in my body, making me want to eat so much. We went to a doctor that specialized in diabetes, thinking I had pre-diabetes. Basically, if I didn’t do something about the way I was eating and taking care of myself, then I was going to end up with diabetes.
I did NOT want to hear this at my age; I was in 6th grade, I didn’t care, and I didn’t want to have to watch what I was eating. It was so embarrassing to watch your friends eat whatever they wanted while you counted carbs for everything you ate.
We continued to go to that doctor, and he put me on medicine to help control my insulin levels. I hated every minute of it, so I stopped eating like I needed to and started to emotionally eat even more than I had before. My peers encouraged me to eat healthy and lose weight, but I just didn’t care. I didn’t want to be “that kid.”
Then, I went to high school, scared to death on the first day, wondering what the other kids were going to say as I walked down the hall or as I sat at the desk next to them. For the most part, poking fun at me settled down when I got to high school, but then there was a whole new problem at this age: Dating!
Every girl in the school was talking to some boy, and they really liked each other – blah, blah, blah. I began struggling with the fact that the boys were crazy about all my friends, and I was the girl all the guys just wanted to be friends with.
I HATED THIS!
Maybe you’re reading this thinking God has someone out there waiting and he is going to be perfect. I knew and know this, but it is so hard. I just wanted to be the girlfriend for once instead of the really good friend. Throughout high school, I just wanted to find some boy that liked me so that I could be his girl.
But, this never happened. I started questioning if I was ever going to be good enough. Is anyone ever going to love me for me? I’d look around and think…if I could just take her face and put it on her body that would be perfect. He wouldn’t have a choice but to like me then.
This questioning and searching followed me to college.
It was my senior year of high school, and I had decided to focus on growing more in my relationship with God, knowing he was planning to bring me someone one day. And, that’s when my journey began. I had returned from a trip to Honduras and had gotten sick while I was there, so I was visiting the doctor for that illness. While my mom and I were at the doctor’s office, the doctor sat us down and began the talk that many doctors had had with me in the past…
“Delaney, you really need to lose weight. You are not going to have very good health when you get older. You need to get the weight off while you are young and have more energy. Blah, blah, blah!” I tuned them out in anger.
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS!! People should love me the way that I am! Why does it matter what size I am?
But something changed in my heart a few days later. I knew something had to change; I couldn’t continue to live my life this way. I was so unhealthy, and I wanted to do this for me.
Not for the doctor, not for my parents, or my friends. I wanted this for me.
So in October of 2010, I began my journey. I joined Weight Watchers, which I loved because I could eat healthier and still enjoy time with friends on Friday nights at the football games. When I had gone to the doctor in 6th grade, I had lost some weight – about 20 pounds – but had gained it all back plus some. So, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But, this was working perfectly.
Soon after I began my journey – in the spring of 2011 – two big changes happened in my life. My youth minister decided he was being called to move on, which meant leaving the church and our awesome youth group. The youth group was my life; I didn’t know what I was going to do. And, I graduated from high school. I was super excited about this.( I never thought I would make it through all those years of schooling!)
But, this all meant something huge that I didn’t know at the time: saying farewell to a ton of friends that I spent every day with. That was so hard – we were all moving on to bigger and better things. It was time for our paths to split. We didn’t have to stop talking to each other, but we just lost contact as some moved away.
That summer my youth minister’s time at the church was done, and I decided I would start searching for a church on my own, feeling like God was calling me somewhere else. In all this, I lost my youth group – a huge part of my life. I had gone to school with many of these kids and we hung out a lot. So in just a few months, I lost most of the peers I had seen every day for the past 13 years, and I lost my youth group.
Life got hard.
I didn’t want to turn to food.
God gave me the strength to continue my weight loss journey. I prayed for strength, and he continually provided it. I then started my first year of college. I had decided to stay in the area and go to a community college in hopes that I would be able to continue my weight loss journey with the support of my family.
I thought that by deciding to stay locally, going to a community college, and looking for a new church, God would place a man in my life – the man of my dreams. I also thought I would meet all these new people and make new friends because a lot of my friends had moved away, and I didn’t really have any friends in the area anymore.
But, that was not God’s plan or timing. I am in my third year of college – still at the community college – and haven’t met “the man of my dreams.” I don’t have a bunch of friends. It has been the hardest three years I have had, but the best three years I have lived.
I moved into an apartment with my best friend for the first year of college. That was so much fun, and it made our friendship even stronger. Then, she decided God was calling her to Nashville to finish school and start life there. God continues to bless our friendship even though we are miles apart and her life is in Nashville. I still don’t have friends that I call on everyday to hang out or just get together and talk with. But, looking back at the journey I have been on since October 2010, I would have never been able to leave and get this far. I know that God had me staying locally in the plan, and He has taught me so much.
In all the time I was trying to keep my head above the waves, God continued to bless me with his strength. I had set backs for sure, but he never stopped showing up like he has always promised.
I don’t really know the reason I was so overweight. I was overweight as a kid, so I knew no different. I feel it started with me being bigger than others, and then I was made fun of, which got to me, and I would eat to take away that pain. But, eating your pain away only takes it away for a couple minutes and then it comes right back.
When I started my journey in 2010, I thought it was just about losing the weight. But I was so wrong. I have had to work through so much within myself. I continue to learn to forgive the people that made fun of me growing up. I continue to realize that I have always been beautiful.
More and more every day I learned that people were loving me for me, but I wasn’t seeing that because I wasn’t loving me for me.
We are beautiful in Christ no matter our shape and size. But, I was not living to the fullest because my weight was holding a lot of me inside. I was always shy growing up, and a lot of that had to do with my weight because since I have started my journey I have come out of my shell so much.
I wish I could say that I have completely healed from all the struggles and the past. But, I haven’t. Those things still come back up and hurt just as bad. Still, I am working through the hurt. I wish I could tell you that I am so strong that I don’t have setbacks anymore, but that isn’t the case. Struggles still come as do setbacks.
In the times that I have been eating healthy and doing well on my plan, God has taught me so much. He has also taught me in the times that I am sitting still – stalled, not losing weight, not following my plan. He continues to teach me about who I really am in Him and how to forgive.
I have lost 105 pounds since I started my journey, and God is calling me to help people that also need to get healthy. In August 2014, I will be moving to Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I will attend Cornerstone University to receive a bachelor’s degree in Exercise Science. I will also work toward becoming certified as a personal trainer.
He has not brought me this far to let me sit back and be quiet about his work in my life. So, I plan to go out and make disciples of Him by allowing Him to work through my story and through me training others, showing them who they really are in Him. I would not change my story if I got the chance to.
All glory and praise to Him for how far I have come and how far I will go.
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